February Fast Forward

I haven't written because I just have not had the time honestly. Between running errands, paying bills, shopping, working and taking care of my children I have been on the go pretty much non stop these past few weeks.
I got my tax refund a few weeks ago and paid off several bills, caught up my mortgage and car loan and got cable, DSL, a netbook and an all in one dell desktop computer, and a corner desk for my bedroom for myself. I also paid up a whole year full coverage insurance on my car and 6 months on the car I bought for Carrie.
I took Jacob and Kelsie on a shopping spree in the toy aisle at walmart and also bought them a few clothes as well. Sarah had a big 17th birthday and enjoyed several gifts, she got new bedding and pillow, the new moon soundtrack, earrings, jewelry, a new purse, and other stuff I can't even remember right now.
After paying the rest of the household bills, having the water and electricity put in my name, taking the kids to chuck e cheese, eating out way too many times, I am now once again back to my regularly scheduled paycheck to paycheck living, but you know what? I paid my March morgtgage payment 2 weeks early, as well as another electric & cell phone bill that would have been due in March. I am ahead of the game for once in my life.
I also was able to have this stupid ass repo'd car removed from mine and Melissa's credit after 2 1/2 years of fighting with the company who it was purchased from. We had it like a month and the company told us the loan wasn't going through, so we voluntarily gave it back---and they tried to sue us for over $11k. They never showed up to court, the judge dismissed the case and I fought it on the credit report---it was removed.
As of now I have about $1k in bad debt on my credit report that I am planning to clear off over the course of 2010. That is my goal for this year, to continue to pay my bills ahead of time, pay off old debts, clear my name of anything that would stress me out financially.
What a burden to be lifted.
After the year I had last year with the surgeries and 10 weeks of missed work, not knowing if they would take our house, the threats to repo my car, the bill collectors calling on a daily basis to harass and irritate me even though they knew I had 2 major surgeries---I am well aware of how bad it can get and how fast it can get bad.
We aren't rich, but we are truly blessed. I use to believe that if I prayed to God he would make money appear from somewhere out of the blue to pay my bills. I TRULY believed this would happen. I was so brainwashed by the church I went to at the time, I felt that God would deliver. Ugh~~~
I am now proud to say that I believe God gives us all a life to live as we so choose, we make our own happiness, or we make our own hell. Every choice you make leads to a consequence. At age 35, if I've learned nothing else, it is this.
I know I am far from perfect, I make mistakes every day, and I have done things I shouldn't have done, and I just hope for the best in all of it.
Everything I do---I do it for the good of my family. My family is my #1 priority in life.
My daughter is due to have her first child September 9, 2010. She will be 12 weeks pregnant tomorrow, we found out she was pregnant about a month ago and it seems that month has just flown by, her tummy is pooching on out there---and I'm missing every moment of it.
Life just goes by way too fast. I am ready to slow down a little, but not sure that is going to happen.
I'm trying to get a part time job as a census worker. I took the test last night and plan to go back next week to retake it and try to get a higher score than the 90 I made last night. Studying is on my agenda for the weekend.
I went to the dr Monday for a follow up from my hysterectomy and he thinks I am having colon spasms, so I went on a new drug for that. Then today I saw the neurologist about the migraines I've been having since the surgery, who put me on a barbituate for the headaches and ordered an MRI on my brain on Monday. I will follow up with both dr's in March. The children all have dental appointments in March, Sarah has her monthly orthodontist appointment for her braces, and Jacob will see his ADHD dr as well. And let's not forget the court date on March 8th for child support hearing because 'daddy' has paid a whopping $1283 in 2.5 years for FOUR children---and hasn't made a payment in 4 months. He's spent 2 months in jail last year for non-compliance on the court order. I don't know what will happen but I do know this:
1. He owns a house and land.
2. He hasn't lived in said house in 1.5 years.
3. He works for 'cash' only, doesn't have a 'real' job.
4. He lives with his mommy.
5. My children deserve to be supported by both parents.
6. $47 a week is NOT a lot to ask for four children!
7. I WANT MY MONEY.
8. He owes a back pay amount of $2500.
9. I WANT MY MONEY.
10. I HOPE HE ROTS IN JAIL.

Seriously, I could care less about the jail thing, just get a freaking job and stop being an asshole and support your children!

Not that I can't do it without that whopping $47 a week, it's just the principle ya know?

Last week the neighbor's grandson who is a minor shot my dog with his bee bee gun, had to call the cops AGAIN and take Toby to the vet, he is ok, but it cost me $88. When I find time I am filing a civil suit against these fuckers and suing them for the vet bill. My dog was not on their property and did not do any damage to anything. He is a whole 7 lbs of viciousness, and they are super 'scared' of him...what-the-fuck-ever.


I think that pretty much sums up everything going on in my life recently. I am pretty tired, think I'll hit the sack.

Finding happiness is hell

I thought about starting blogging again, but really can't think of anything to write about right now. Hmm.
My life is pretty boring.
I guess on a positive note I can say how blessed I am. I have all of my bills caught up from when I was out of work and had 2 surgeries this past fall. I only owe on my car/house and normal household bills now. My credit report is looking better every day.
Finally I feel like a lot of weights have been lifted from me, I am doing so much better than when I was with my ex. My life has turned around completely since I got away from him and his abuse. I can't believe how long I endured living with that creep.
I own my own double wide now. I am 13 payments away from having my car paid off. I just bought a new dell all in 1 and a net book, I finally have DSL and cable TV @ home again. That has made me very happy.
My ex amuses me, he told me to my face this past Saturday "you can't manage money, you will never have anything". He told me years ago "you will never have anything or amount to anything if you leave me".
Uh..I have been a SUPERVISOR for 3+ years, I have got my priorities straight, I have got my finances in better shape than ever...it took me leaving him with NOTHING and building my life from the bottom back up. It took me losing custody of my children to him---and learning what it meant to FIGHT LIKE A WOMAN and stand my ground. It took lots of court dates and trial and error, but I made it. I am here.
He owns a house he can't even keep electricity on in. He hasn't lived in it in over a year. It is piled full of junk, go figure...and he has lived with his mom for the past 1+ years, she is in the process of buying a double wide to accommodate him and the kids when they go for their 'supervised' visits with him. He has 2 vehicles, which are both apparently so broken that he cannot afford to fix them, so he has to drive his dad's truck. He has no job, he won't get a real job...and he never pays his child support.
I don't like talking about him, the past, or all the hell he put me through, I try to keep it out of my thoughts, because there is so much hurt and anger still inside me and I still have a hard time sometimes keeping my distance from him.
Sadly--I loved him...and sometimes I see that glimpse of the man I loved and it is really hard to not fall for his bullshit. I have to work at it every day, I try to avoid him as much as possible, and I long for the day when my children are all grown and I never have to deal with him again. I don't want them to grow up too fast, I enjoy every second of them being little.
I am happy where I am now in my life. Wish I didn't have to work full time, would rather be a sahm, or work from home, that would make my life fantastic!
Now that I have DSL I am going to work at making working from home a reality. I may not ever reach that dream, but I plan to try.
Well, I said I didn't have much to write about, and here it is...so I am going to end this now.
I'm pretty sure nobody is reading it anyways...